Let me start out by saying I’m not a very Christmasy person. (That is, in fact, why I wrote this article, for my taste for things having to do with Christmas is very selective.) I don’t particularly like most Christmas songs. Give me a few of the old hymns and that’s about as far into the Christmas spirit as you’re going to get me.
This may be because The Maitre d’ is a bitter, empty husk of a man, and has been for years upon years. No, friends, the Maitre d’ can’t see the wonder in a child’s eyes on Christmas morning, because he’ll end up telling the kid there’s no such thing as Santa. (I mean, seriously, why are we lying to our kids?) Nor can the Maitre d’ feel the happiness of curling up by the fire with someone he loves, because he is a social failure. No, boys and girls, the Maitre d’ is long dead on the inside, and I do not pretend otherwise.
It might also be because, despite being upstanding, red-blooded, God-fearing, conservatives (praise Capitalism!), my parents also have a sort of tree-hugging anti-commercialism idealistic dirty-hippie streak going on underneath it. The kind that rails against all the communism and free love and drugs crap, but still disapproves of BS in advertising and anything over-commercialized. It’s bizarre. I love it.
That said, I own only two Christmas CDs. You’ll see just exactly why I own them too, and it ain’t ’cause they’re Christmas. So, without further ado, here are my recommendations for your holiday listening. (And by that I mean fanboy rant.)
The Maitre d’ bought this CD because he owns every studio album the Ladies have put out since Stunt. Unless they’ve released one recently or something that I don’t know about.
There’s a pretty good mix of songs on the album: original songs, traditional Christmas songs, a few Hanukkah songs, and a New Year’s song. Most of them have the band’s trademark wackiness. (Such as “Deck the Stills,” which, despite the name, has nothing to do with alcohol, although the Maitre d’ does not doubt that alcohol was involved in writing it.) A standout track is the “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”/”We Three Kings” medley with Sarah McLachlan, mainly because it has the wacky energy while staying true to the original songs.
The only thing that spoils the good mix of song is that a pretty large chunk of the album is instrumental. Organ music instrumental. It’s entertaining, at least the first few times, but I skip past them on subsequent listenings.
The Maitre d’ bought this CD because he owns every studio album Jars has put out. Ever. I think. I may be missing one.
Although it is Christian rock, this is not the preachy, crappy stuff you might immediately associate with the genre. If it were, The Maitre d’ would not listen to it.
In contrast to my previous recommendation, this is not a particularly cheery record. (Well, except the nauseatingly saccharine “Hibernation Day,” which stirs The Maitre d’s bitterness greatly rather than making him cheery.) You will not come away feeling like going out in the snow or going Christmas shopping after listening to this record. You won’t feel bad, either, but this ain’t going to put you in the holiday spirit. At least the Prozac version of the holiday spirit.
Musically, several of the songs seem like throwbacks to their self-titled album and Much Afraid. Their versions of the traditional songs (and the cover of “Wonderful Christmastime”) have clearly been made their own. They’re kind of pop-folk-ish, low-key, and a slightly darker in sound than what you’re going to get on most Christmas albums.
Not so much darker lyrically, except maybe the fact that it ends with the depressing-yet-apocalyptic “I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day.” (The good kind of apocalyptic that assures the oppressed and suffering that they will not remain so forever, not the bad kind of apocalyptic where people try to assemble all the signs like a jigsaw puzzle and gloat at the unbelievers who will perish.)
And unlike the Barenaked Ladies album, there are only two instrumental tracks. Which is still too many after the first few listens, but it’s better than half the album.
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