Tron
I chose Tron for this list mainly because of the technical innovations involved in its making. While its concept and story are intriguing and original (and yes, mark the entrance of personal computers into the public consciousness), the characters aren’t much more than cardboard cutouts. Even the incomparable David Warner (who has The Voice Of The Devil Himself) doesn’t really make it worth watching for the actors alone.
Where Tron works is in its hideous technical complexity. One of the first (if not the first) movies to make use of computer-generated graphics, Tron heralded techniques that wouldn’t hit mainstream film making until a decade later. Even today, the animation holds up remarkably well (perhaps because it’s intended to represent a “virtual” environment instead of reality). On top of that, the complicated rotoscoped effects of the actors’ outfits make this an achievement of old-school visual effects (old-school by today’s standards, at any rate). Even though the movie wasn’t a big success in the theaters, it paved the way for effects used in later films. This one gets the nod because of its place in sci-fi history.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
You might be wondering, “Why the hell is this on the list?”. Or even, “Why the hell is anything with Tim Curry on the list?”. Flip back a couple of pages to what I said about Spaceballs and how good parody is itself a worthy addition to the genre it’s spoofing. In the same way that the first Scream movie (don’t get me started on the others) not only spoofed slasher films but was effective in scaring the pants off of the audience, Rocky Horror at once spoofs the style of campy classic 1950s science fiction and also manages to be campy classically-styled science fiction.
At its best, science fiction isn’t about aliens or spaceships or laser guns or robots. It serves as a mirror reflecting our social ills. RHPS effectively mocks the uptight, morally sterile celibacy of the 1950s and the overblown, rampantly overindulgent free love of the 1970s. Dr. Frank-N-Furter doesn’t just invite us to step outside of our comfort zone of “normalcy” and to be ourselves no matter what society thinks, but also serves as a reminder of what overindulgence in sensuality leads to – namely, getting gunned down by Richard O’Brien using a laser that looks like a chrome sex toy.
On top of the lesson, Rocky Horror has catchy and touching music, and invites the audience to join in the fun. You really can’t go wrong when you have a whole theater full of people throwing hot dogs.
The Chef was born 856 years ago on a small planet orbiting a star in the Argolis cluster. It was prophesied that the arrival of a child with a birthmark shaped like a tentacle would herald the planet's destruction. When the future Chef was born with just such a birthmark, panic ensued (this would not be the last time the Chef inspired such emotion). The child, tentacle and all, was loaded into a rocket-powered garbage scow and launched into space. Unfortunately, the rocket's exhaust ignited one of the spectators' flatulence, resulting in a massive explosion that detonated the planet's core, destroying the world and killing everyone on it.
When the would-be Chef awoke from his torpor, he looked around at the new world he found himself on. His first words were, “Hey, this place sucks." Disguising himself as one of the planet's dominant species of semi-domesticated ape, the being who would become known as the Chef wandered the Earth until he ended up in its most disreputable slum - Paris, France.
Taking a job as a can-can dancer, the young Chef made a living that way until one day one of the cooks at a local bistro fell ill with food poisoning (oh, bitter irony). In a desperate move, the bistro's owner rushed into one of the local dance halls, searching for a replacement. He grabbed the ugliest can-can dancer he could find, and found himself instead with an enterprising (if strange) young man who now decided, based on this random encounter, to only answer to the name “Chef".
His success as a French chef was immediate (but considering that this is a country where frogs and snails are considered delicacies, this may or may not be a significant achievement). Not only was the Chef's food delicious, it also kept down the local homeless population. He rose to the heights of stardom in French cuisine, and started a holy war against the United Kingdom to end the reign of terror British food had inflicted on its citizens.
When the Crimean War broke out around France, the Chef assisted Nikola Tesla and Galileo in perfecting the scanning electron microscope, which was crucial in driving back the oncoming Communist hordes. It would later be said that without the Chef, the war would have been lost. He was personally awarded a Purple Heart by the King of France.
After that, the Chef traveled to America, home of such dubious culinary delights as McDonald's Quarter Pounder With Cheese. He immediately adopted the Third World nation as his new home, seeing it as his job to protect and enlighten it. When the Vietnam War began, he immediately volunteered and served in the Army of the Potomac under Robert E. Lee and General Patton. During the war, the Chef killed dozens of Nazis, most of them with his bare hands.
Marching home from war across the floor of the Atlantic Ocean, stark-naked and freezing, the Chef wound up on the shores of Mexico. He spent several years there, drinking tequila with Pancho Villa and James Dean. He put his culinary skills to the test when he invented the 5,000-calorie Breakfast Chili Burrito With Orange Sauce (which is today still a favorite in some parts of Sonora).
Eventually, the Chef returned to his adopted home of America, where he met a slimy, well-coiffed weasel who was starting up a new kind of buffet - one dedicated to providing the highest-quality unmentionable appetizers to the online community. The Chef dedicated himself to spreading the word of his famous Lard Sandwich (two large patties of fried lard, in between two slices of toasted buttered lard, with bacon and cheese), as well as occasionally writing about his opinions on less-important topics than food.
Every word of this is true, if only in the sense that every word of this exists in the English language.
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