105 minute mark:
After Wallaby (who I’ve purposefully neglected to mention up to this point due to the fact that he’s supposed to be an original character that the target demographic is supposed to identify with) uses his 1337 HAXXORZ 5K1775!!!!1111oneoneone to free Hayabusa, Tina, Christie, and Kasumi from their prison, Helena, who’s largely been a loser to this point, single-handedly defeats eleventy billion security guards and leads the girls in an all-out assault against Donovan (who’s clearly been training with a few unnamed athletes, since he’s a 60 year old scientist who’s able to defend himself against half-a-dozen martial arts masters). Meanwhile, Ayane rescues the newly freed Hayate, and they kiss, leading to the inception of the world’s first ninja master with a form of severe mental retardation.
Conclusion:
�Dead or Alive Island� blows up in an earth-shaking explosion (which was triggered, of course, by using the code that was tattooed on Helena’s inner thigh). Tina kills some people and takes their boat, rescuing the few survivors. Then, it cuts to a scene where they’ve all returned to the “secret� palace in which the Mugen-Tenshin Clan resides to fight 9,824,350,892,354 invading ninjas.
Meanwhile, I proclaim that, by Gavin, I shall have my revenge, BELIEVE IT!!
I give this film a perfect 8 ruined careers before they even started out of 8. That said, the film may have been much, much worse than the already mediocre Mortal Kombat, but still nowhere as bad as Mortal Kombat: Armageddon or the truly abominable Street Fighter.
AWESOME FACT!!
The part of Hayabusa was played by Kane Kosugi, who is best known as a contestant on Ninja Warrior. Sweet, real ninjas (allegedly)!!
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