To go along with my Friendly Reminders for Black Friday Shopping, I thought I would further ease your holiday woes by making you not think about the obese, disgusting, socially-inept people in your life by telling you what they want for Christmas (besides a quick and painless death via murder-suicide). So come hither and give heed as I unzip … er, unwrap my list of 2008 gifts for Otaku (a.k.a. “geeks�, “nerds�, “weirdoes�).
What it is: It’s a show with giant robots, political intrigue, and product placement. Yay, Pizza Hut!!!
Why he’ll like it: Two words: Kallen. Stadtfeld. She’s like a female Super Saiyan- one moment she’s the quiet, sickly high school student, the next her hair’s spiky and her breast size jumped from a B to a D! KA-ME-HA-ME-BOOBS!!
What it is: It’s a chilling morality play about what happens to one’s mind when they’re given the power to control life and, especially, death.
Why he’ll like it: It’s an exercise in wish fulfillment. In truth, there’s nothing he’d enjoy more than being able to control the time and manner of one’s death. I could write a whole series of articles about celebrities I’d like to see kick the bucket in painful, amusing, and/or ironic fashions. Sadly, such power is beyond the reach of mortal man, so you may as well give him this instead.
What it is: It’s 28 more episodes from the show that was Bleach before Bleach was Bleach.
Why he’ll like it: Because [SPOILER] pretty-boy/total f***ing badass Kurama kills a little bitch of a 10 year-old called the “Game Master�, who was a little kid who that thought he was the shit when it came to playing video games. It’s basically what everyone wants to do to every child who’s ever been on X-Box Live, ever.[END SPOILER]
What it is: It’s a giant robot anime from the kings of giant robot anime–Gainax.
Why he’ll like it: Flame bikinis. Fighting robots. Drills. Over-masculine main character. What’s not to like?
What it is: It’s a turn-based strategy game set in an alternate-history World War II featuring gorgeous cel-shaded characters and a visceral real-time combat system.
Why he’ll like it: Hmm … probably because in the first fifteen minutes you’re blowing up pseudo-Nazis with a motherf**king tank! Other than that, no reason.
What it is: A re-reimagining of a classic franchise complete with a new prince, a new female partner, and stunning visuals.
Why he’ll like it: It’s the closest he’ll get to having a real girlfriend. Or a friend who’s female. Or a casual acquaintance. Or a woman who’s not his mother that doesn’t have a restraining order against him or is willing to have sex with him without a monetary transaction being prominently involved. Or a rope and duct tape, for that matter. Or …
What it is: One of those games disbarred attorney Jack Thompson doesn’t want you to play … allegedly.
Why he’ll love it: It might just be the entertainment he needs to keep from cutting up people with a chainsaw in real life. But it’s probably just delaying the inevitable.
What it is: An abomination unto the Lord.
Why he’ll love it: Because he’s a child hungry pedophile that no amount of counseling or so called re-habilitation will cure.
…
Allegedly.
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