Real-Time Review: MTAC

8:00 a.m. (CDT)

Ever my most hated enemy, the sun beams its spiteful rays directly into my eyes. Swearing under my breath, I resign myself to the fact that, like it or not, my day has started. However, a wonderful realization dawns on me. Rather than preparing myself for 8 soulless hours working a go-nowhere job, I get to spend my day hanging out with cosplayers, nerds, and people that, simply by association, make me think to myself “Man, I sure am glad I’m not that guy!! Yes, boys and girls, I’m speaking, of course, of an anime convention (the Middle Tennessee Anime Convention, to be precise)

9:00 a.m.

After showering and steeling myself for a day of line waiting and staring at anatomically incorrect bastardizations of all my favorite video game and anime characters, the Sommelier, Matire’D, and I sit down to watch an episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. In this episode, Chuck Norris flies a jetpack. I couldn’t actually tell you what else happened during the episode, since the Sommelier and I sang “When the Eyes of the Ranger Are Upon You� 387 times during the episode. And you know what’s funny? We’re really good … so good, we’ve started up our own band: Kungfutron. But more on that later …

10:00 a.m.

The Matire’D has finally finished putting his hair up in pigtails and putting on his Jin cosplay. At this point, I’m beginning to wonder if the 26 Mountain Dew/Red Bull suicides I’ve had in the last 15 minutes have transported me to some sort of Bizzaro-World version of MTAC, as the Maitre’D cosplaying at all is the single most unlikely thing that’s ever happened in the history of anything. At this point, I’d be willing to accept the fact that Roger Clemens has never done steroids, even though his wife, his son, his best friend, and his neighbor’s dog are all ‘roided out.

Allegedly.

In any case, we all decide to make our way down to the line for the dealer’s room that was started in 2003 by some guy named “Shag�. Thankfully for me, I came prepared, as I was armed with my trusty PSP, loaded to the gills with 4 gigs of anime. 40 minutes and two “Form Blazing Sword!�s later ….

11:00 a.m.

The dealer’s room opens up for those who had their pre-registration letters. We has something of a minor debacle with our letters last year, but we luckily had them on our person this time, so we had no problem getting our consumer whore selves inside. I ended up buying my wife a Chocobo for her White Mage cosplay, and a Revoltech Rei Ayanami figure for myself, since I have a serious hard-on for Rei. Allegedly.

1:00 p.m.

We make our way over to Artist’s Alley, since my wife is a sucker for buying prints at anime conventions. There’s a lot of really great artists at MTAC this year, but I’d have to say our best purchase of the day came from the fine folks at Studio Capsule. But more on that later …

I also have the esteemed pleasure of speaking with the fine folks who compose the band The Man Power. Based on the few minutes I spent with them, I’ve decided 2 things:

1. Based on what I learned at Anime Weekend Atlanta from The Captains. I have every reason to believe that The Man Power’s performance tonight is going to be awesome. The reason for this judgment is that, in my aforementioned experience at AWA, the better the band is to talk to in person, the harder they rock the stage. It’s a proven fact. BELIEVE IT!!!
2. I’m not positive, but I think the lead singer was coming on to me.

2:00 p.m.

I finally escape long enough to make it over to the video game room. A nice selection of games are on display, most notably Super Smash Bros Brawl and Rock Band. But another pleasant surprise was on display- Arcana Heart. A long-forgotten Review Crew member from Electronic Gaming Monthly once said “I like my fighting games like I like my porn- all chicks.� Arcana Heart is that sentiment given physical form.

Hot anime chicks + Marvel vs Capcom 2 = Awesome

I succinctly pwn my wife, the Matire’D, and some other poor gentleman who didn’t know who he was up against before making my way on to the next event.

3:00 p.m.

I make my way to the Anime Music Video competition. Generally, I liked most of the videos in the competition. Particularly the ones not featuring Ouran Host Club. (Important Note: We here at Chainsaw Buffet neither condemn nor condone anything concerning homosexual relationships, cross-dressing, bondage, and other generally freaky stuff. Unless both chicks are hot. In which case we strongly approve. See you at Yuri Fury!!)

4:00 p.m.

You remember that thing I was telling you about? You know- Studio Capsule? Yeah, about that. I spent my four o’clock hour being honored by having the great Robert DeJesus create one of his highly-coveted Convention Identification Badges for me. If you see me at the con, you should take a look at it. It totally kicks ass.

5:00 p.m.

More gaming- this time I’m kicking some ass in Brawl. But seriously folks, what the hell do you people do with your controllers? You know the rumble feature isn’t a marital aid, right? The damn things were sticky, and half the directions on the analog and C sticks didn’t work. What gives? This is why we can’t have nice things …

6:00 p.m.

Since my wife was having her own badge made by the Studio Capsule gurus, I decided to oogle some cosplayers. Bravo, if you’re reading this, to the girl in the tube top and super-short something-or-others with no underwear. If I would have thought to brought some Washingtons with me while you were dancing up on people, I would have made it rain Adam “Pacman� Jones style. Allegedly.

There were quite a few good costumes, but none as awesome as this year’s Con Kitty. But the guy in the maid outfit (I call him “Man-Maid�), deserves special mention. Special, horrifying mention.

8:30 p.m. (ish)

After some waiting, the long-anticiapted Man Power show begins. You know that thing I said earlier? About how this show was gonna rock? Guess who was right again? You got it … me. I could go into great detail describing how they melted my face with their transcendental rocking abilities, but honestly, I think their performance can best be summed up into two words:

1. Jackie
2. Chan

This song has truly changed my life. I now know who it is that I want. Who I need. Who I love. That’s right. Jackie Chan.

As if that wasn’t enough, their cover of the Ramone’s Blitzkreig Bop quite literally sent every female in the audience into a sex-crazed frenzy. Fans were rushing the stage during the performance, and I’m quite sure were about to drag the band members off into their respective hotel rooms to use the Rock Gawds as their own personal playthings before the fine folks in Public Safety cleared the stage with a Chuck Norris-esque display of power, strength, and authority. Maybe if we’re lucky, The Man Power will let Kungfutron open for them at their next show.

10:00 p.m.

With expectations high, Chickenbox took the stage. Fortunately for us, they did not disappoint, opening with mind-blowingly terrific covers of the themes from Sealab 2020 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, America, F&#% YEAH!! This was a band that spoke to my very soul. They sang songs as though they had known me my entire life. Songs about the those things in life words cannot do justice- being fat, angry, and just straight-up not giving a damn about anyone or anything other than rocking the hell out while wearing some lucha masks. Never before in my life have I seen a band throw money at the crowd. And I imagine I never will again.

To the men who make up Chickenbox, I salute you, good sirs.

11:00 p.m.

At this point, Peelander Z has taken the stage. Neither words nor pictures can do them justice. It’s simply something you must experience for yourself.

12:00 a.m.

Weary from a night of rawking owt, I return to my room to put my thoughts into this blog before you. It was an excellent first day, and I expect great things tomorrow. I’m especially hopeful that tomorrow’s musical performances will equal those from this evening, as voice actor/martial artist/rock star/uber-awesome Mighty Morphin guy Johnny Yong Bosch’s band Eyeshine prepares to take the stage, and Greg Ayres prepares his always-awesome rave … err, dance. But just in case any of you reading this happen to see them on Saturday, tell them that the gauntlet’s officially been thrown down. Best of luck, guys…